Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Sims Unrated

            The Sims 3 is a popular simulation game suitable for all ages. However, I believe that this (somewhat) family friendly premise stops this from displaying some of the more interesting (fun) aspects of life. Sure you can woohoo (sex for the uninitiated) in the bed, hot tub, shower  and elevator if you fancy, but that still leaves out such important facets of life such as . . .

1.      Masturbation: Why should sexual activity be limited to those with partners? Sometimes the right sim just never comes along. Maybe they’re waiting for marriage but still horny as fuck. Maybe you as the creator just enjoy watching digital people touch themselves in the special place.

2.      Second Base: I think it is extremely unfair that (outside of woohoo (which we don’t get to watch)) these sims are forced to keep their hands in appropriate places. Besides that, I always saw second base as having two main purposes. First, as a sort of test drive for further activity. If you’re uncomfortable with the guy’s hand on your boob, he probably shouldn’t venture further. Second base also gives teenaged boys a more manageable goal when sex is definitely off the table.

3.      Oral Sex: I do not have structured arguments like the ones above (although I have heard rumors about semen being good for your hair or something). I think oral sex would add variety and make the game more interesting in general. Sims have a right to be able to mix it up in the bedroom, just like real-life people can. Besides, straight woohoo (the positions are even the same every time) is bound to get boring after a little while.

4.    Sperm donors: I believe sperm donors would add many benefits to the Sims universe just as they enhance this world, God bless the masturbating bastards and their joysticks. Lesbian sims would have the option of pregnancy and all that entails without relying on adoption to grow their families. The fellas would also benefit from this in the form of easy money which always comes in handy (pun intended).

Not too bad for my first post with actual content to it. I've got more than enough material ready for
a follow-up post on this same topic, but I'd love to hear your suggestions!

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